Pleasing & Helping hands......

Many things in life you wish it works out the way you planned it but sometimes, faith just don't comply to your needs.... I've always been pleasing people around me just to keep them by my side but i started to realise that people don't care whether you please them or not cause they will never ever care for you when it comes to your needs.....

They don't care if im dead or gone.... they dont care if your suffering, not and unless your living the life of your dream( they are jealous actually).... all they know is that they got what they want and they can move on with their lifes..... just cause you helped someone before, dont expect them to do u a favour cause its one in a million to happen so..... like the world could crumble down if everyone you helped is actually helping you back.... it means the world is ending, in simplest way.... i noticed that and realised it..... and decided i should stop helping people around me.... at least for my own sake..... but its hard, very hard but i will try.....

Scandals, Past & More......

For the past months, many things has been happening.... all the scandals and shit stuff that's been taking my life and sleep has caused me to look like a drunken bitch but hey, what can you say to someone whom always wanting to care for everything that's happening around her..... I tried ignoring things but it didn't work out..... And my recent stress would be me leaving my scandals..... Something I know for sure I won't be able to do it that easily...... Deep down inside my tiny heart, I have this thing called care n feelings for them... So, leaving them is like a break-up for me..... Life is not like a ride on the highway.... where you hop onto the car, drop off at destination and move on..... Anyone who said that must be seriously joking..... There's more to life than just moving on with it..... Yes, we have to move on from whatever bad stuff that happened to us but that doesn't mean you forget what has happened to you..... you must always keep that in mind as you never know when your past will be useful has a lesson to be remembered....

@)!!

Figure that out if possible..... lol

well, i'm hoping 2011 does it better than the year before thou i see some good things happening..... hehehehehehe

Bosses will always be Bosses

So they claim they are not like every other bosses you know, you see, you've worked with but on actual fact, they are just plain boss... No matter how much work you do for them or what better things you bring for them, the slightest mistake by them will be them blamed back to you.....

And I really wonder why.... Is that how a boss should act or plainly the i'm-too-good-to-make-mistake attitude?

The Confused Me On A Raya......

So, its the time of the year again.... Raya, ain't really celebrating it for the past 7 years now... I don't go to my relatives house anymore, the only place i be is at my parent's place.... I never really got along with my relatives..They can be really annoying at times which really drives me up the wall, especially my 2nd auntie.... She's a plain psycho whom always trys to pin point at other's mistake but what's happening to her family right now is just far worse than the soap opera that plays everyday on tv... But to my surprise, I felt lonely this year.... Raya this year made me think alot about my past & my current lifestyle.... The guy that i rely on, is drifting apart.... The guy I love, ain't sure if its meant or not meant or his serious or not or he wants to go on or not or his family accepts me or not.... everything with him is in two world like Hannah Montana....

Then the whole lot of scandals i have, at the end of the day they all return back to their hometown with their family which definitely means, i'm left behind.... So, where do I stand actually?? Do I really want this.... And the bunch of scandals i have which ain't leading me, to nowhere, what am i actually do wif them??? When I'm upset, hurt, angry, freaked, i decide to leave them, change myself, be the new me but do i really do that??? NOPE!!! Instead, if at all one small sweet stuff takes place, i change the whole be back to the same old me.... I forget every other bad, fucked up stuff that happened and enjoy the happy of my life which would probably not last even a week....

What is wrong with me actually??? I don't want relatives, I don't want guy but i still want actually, i can't say no when i should be saying no, i can't say return back to me when i have the lawfully rights to say so..... What am I worried about??? Why am I really pleasing others?? What do I gain out of all this shit??? Why be cheap, stupid, desperate over everything in life??? Well, i really don't know... I want everyone that's in my life list but at the same time I get pist of and hurt by them.... I wish at times I never had feelings but if that's how i wanna be, i rather be a stone or wood than being a human..... So, i keep quiet and accept wateva that's happening as its happening out of my caution... i'm aware of the consequences, im aware of the pain that im about to go through.... so i ain't gonna blame anyone, not unless they made me be with someone or do something, then yeah, i've got all the rights to hate and curse it....

You know, all of you could only complain n whine about others and how flawless you are but has anyone of us ever, ever at all thanked for being who we are compared to those who's less more fortunate than us??? Well, that would definitely include me in.... Probably this is the most confusing entry on my blog or as a matter of fact, anybody's blog but what the heck??? Its my blog, its for me to say what i want to say of what i feel and think.... has nothing to do with you readers.... so, if u have anything to comment, keep it to urself.... or better still, look at urself at the mirror and let me know if ur better off than me!!!!

Death Confession....

As I was chatting with a friend of mine earlier today, we were talking about how corrupted our brains can be and how we wish it could be vanished of.....

Then, me being silly as always can be, I said 'Yeah, My brains are too corrupted that even if there is any guy who's with me will turn out to be corrupted and cannot be saved in any ways at all!!!' then i realised.... Dang, I just made a death confession of my own self and seeing in the Headlines of Tomorrow's newpapers n internets blogging or discussing bout this.... Wat am I? A celebrity? Damn not!!! But just for the sake of fun with enthusiasm... this is what you get out of all the shit you blabber out to your friends as some of them can really be nasty paparazzi than the paparazzi themselves...

Well, if one take themself as a celebrity of their own, who else would.... Aren't I, right?

Where my future lies.....

So, everyone has their future well planned with lots of ideas in it.... ME?? Nope, hope to be a Journalist or might venture into Photographing if given me a choice but for now, i prefer being a freelance writer.....

Last week, we had this small gathering among the siblings n in laws and this was the conversation took place between me and my brother-in-law:-

R: So, what is your future plan? Planning to die as a logistics person or something u like?

Me: I always wanted to do Journalism but yeah, thanks to ur in-law(my 2nd sister) who first de-motivated me from taking up law(reason given, toooooo many lawyers around) and then journalism(claiming its a tough job but which job is not tough)..... So, ended up in Logistics which never ever crossed my mind....

R: If u were a lawyer, the judge would hang himself for not able to stop u from talking(arguing)

*wakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakaka*

Me: But I prefer journalism as I get to travel and venture many new things.... Investigate, analyze and so forth....

R: Ok, be a freelance writer then.... what's stopping you??

Me: Yeah, that's what I want to be as well but still working on my writing skills and ideas...

R: Don't write about Politics or you might be the next Rafidah Aziz.... U don't wanna get smashed with rotten eggs & tomatoes, rite.....

Me: Wakakakkakakakakakaka.... Yeah, turn to be a controversial writer due to criticism on our Malaysian Politics & Racism..... Gosh, just can't stand the lack of knowledge of our leaders......

So, then I realised if I ever to be a politician(if i even get voted at all) people might just hate me and starts blogging or facebooking about me telling what a bitch I can be.....