So, its the time of the year again.... Raya, ain't really celebrating it for the past 7 years now... I don't go to my relatives house anymore, the only place i be is at my parent's place.... I never really got along with my relatives..They can be really annoying at times which really drives me up the wall, especially my 2nd auntie.... She's a plain psycho whom always trys to pin point at other's mistake but what's happening to her family right now is just far worse than the soap opera that plays everyday on tv... But to my surprise, I felt lonely this year.... Raya this year made me think alot about my past & my current lifestyle.... The guy that i rely on, is drifting apart.... The guy I love, ain't sure if its meant or not meant or his serious or not or he wants to go on or not or his family accepts me or not.... everything with him is in two world like Hannah Montana....
Then the whole lot of scandals i have, at the end of the day they all return back to their hometown with their family which definitely means, i'm left behind.... So, where do I stand actually?? Do I really want this.... And the bunch of scandals i have which ain't leading me, to nowhere, what am i actually do wif them??? When I'm upset, hurt, angry, freaked, i decide to leave them, change myself, be the new me but do i really do that??? NOPE!!! Instead, if at all one small sweet stuff takes place, i change the whole be back to the same old me.... I forget every other bad, fucked up stuff that happened and enjoy the happy of my life which would probably not last even a week....
What is wrong with me actually??? I don't want relatives, I don't want guy but i still want actually, i can't say no when i should be saying no, i can't say return back to me when i have the lawfully rights to say so..... What am I worried about??? Why am I really pleasing others?? What do I gain out of all this shit??? Why be cheap, stupid, desperate over everything in life??? Well, i really don't know... I want everyone that's in my life list but at the same time I get pist of and hurt by them.... I wish at times I never had feelings but if that's how i wanna be, i rather be a stone or wood than being a human..... So, i keep quiet and accept wateva that's happening as its happening out of my caution... i'm aware of the consequences, im aware of the pain that im about to go through.... so i ain't gonna blame anyone, not unless they made me be with someone or do something, then yeah, i've got all the rights to hate and curse it....
You know, all of you could only complain n whine about others and how flawless you are but has anyone of us ever, ever at all thanked for being who we are compared to those who's less more fortunate than us??? Well, that would definitely include me in.... Probably this is the most confusing entry on my blog or as a matter of fact, anybody's blog but what the heck??? Its my blog, its for me to say what i want to say of what i feel and think.... has nothing to do with you readers.... so, if u have anything to comment, keep it to urself.... or better still, look at urself at the mirror and let me know if ur better off than me!!!!
