@)!!

Figure that out if possible..... lol

well, i'm hoping 2011 does it better than the year before thou i see some good things happening..... hehehehehehe

Bosses will always be Bosses

So they claim they are not like every other bosses you know, you see, you've worked with but on actual fact, they are just plain boss... No matter how much work you do for them or what better things you bring for them, the slightest mistake by them will be them blamed back to you.....

And I really wonder why.... Is that how a boss should act or plainly the i'm-too-good-to-make-mistake attitude?

The Confused Me On A Raya......

So, its the time of the year again.... Raya, ain't really celebrating it for the past 7 years now... I don't go to my relatives house anymore, the only place i be is at my parent's place.... I never really got along with my relatives..They can be really annoying at times which really drives me up the wall, especially my 2nd auntie.... She's a plain psycho whom always trys to pin point at other's mistake but what's happening to her family right now is just far worse than the soap opera that plays everyday on tv... But to my surprise, I felt lonely this year.... Raya this year made me think alot about my past & my current lifestyle.... The guy that i rely on, is drifting apart.... The guy I love, ain't sure if its meant or not meant or his serious or not or he wants to go on or not or his family accepts me or not.... everything with him is in two world like Hannah Montana....

Then the whole lot of scandals i have, at the end of the day they all return back to their hometown with their family which definitely means, i'm left behind.... So, where do I stand actually?? Do I really want this.... And the bunch of scandals i have which ain't leading me, to nowhere, what am i actually do wif them??? When I'm upset, hurt, angry, freaked, i decide to leave them, change myself, be the new me but do i really do that??? NOPE!!! Instead, if at all one small sweet stuff takes place, i change the whole be back to the same old me.... I forget every other bad, fucked up stuff that happened and enjoy the happy of my life which would probably not last even a week....

What is wrong with me actually??? I don't want relatives, I don't want guy but i still want actually, i can't say no when i should be saying no, i can't say return back to me when i have the lawfully rights to say so..... What am I worried about??? Why am I really pleasing others?? What do I gain out of all this shit??? Why be cheap, stupid, desperate over everything in life??? Well, i really don't know... I want everyone that's in my life list but at the same time I get pist of and hurt by them.... I wish at times I never had feelings but if that's how i wanna be, i rather be a stone or wood than being a human..... So, i keep quiet and accept wateva that's happening as its happening out of my caution... i'm aware of the consequences, im aware of the pain that im about to go through.... so i ain't gonna blame anyone, not unless they made me be with someone or do something, then yeah, i've got all the rights to hate and curse it....

You know, all of you could only complain n whine about others and how flawless you are but has anyone of us ever, ever at all thanked for being who we are compared to those who's less more fortunate than us??? Well, that would definitely include me in.... Probably this is the most confusing entry on my blog or as a matter of fact, anybody's blog but what the heck??? Its my blog, its for me to say what i want to say of what i feel and think.... has nothing to do with you readers.... so, if u have anything to comment, keep it to urself.... or better still, look at urself at the mirror and let me know if ur better off than me!!!!

Death Confession....

As I was chatting with a friend of mine earlier today, we were talking about how corrupted our brains can be and how we wish it could be vanished of.....

Then, me being silly as always can be, I said 'Yeah, My brains are too corrupted that even if there is any guy who's with me will turn out to be corrupted and cannot be saved in any ways at all!!!' then i realised.... Dang, I just made a death confession of my own self and seeing in the Headlines of Tomorrow's newpapers n internets blogging or discussing bout this.... Wat am I? A celebrity? Damn not!!! But just for the sake of fun with enthusiasm... this is what you get out of all the shit you blabber out to your friends as some of them can really be nasty paparazzi than the paparazzi themselves...

Well, if one take themself as a celebrity of their own, who else would.... Aren't I, right?

Where my future lies.....

So, everyone has their future well planned with lots of ideas in it.... ME?? Nope, hope to be a Journalist or might venture into Photographing if given me a choice but for now, i prefer being a freelance writer.....

Last week, we had this small gathering among the siblings n in laws and this was the conversation took place between me and my brother-in-law:-

R: So, what is your future plan? Planning to die as a logistics person or something u like?

Me: I always wanted to do Journalism but yeah, thanks to ur in-law(my 2nd sister) who first de-motivated me from taking up law(reason given, toooooo many lawyers around) and then journalism(claiming its a tough job but which job is not tough)..... So, ended up in Logistics which never ever crossed my mind....

R: If u were a lawyer, the judge would hang himself for not able to stop u from talking(arguing)

*wakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakaka*

Me: But I prefer journalism as I get to travel and venture many new things.... Investigate, analyze and so forth....

R: Ok, be a freelance writer then.... what's stopping you??

Me: Yeah, that's what I want to be as well but still working on my writing skills and ideas...

R: Don't write about Politics or you might be the next Rafidah Aziz.... U don't wanna get smashed with rotten eggs & tomatoes, rite.....

Me: Wakakakkakakakakakaka.... Yeah, turn to be a controversial writer due to criticism on our Malaysian Politics & Racism..... Gosh, just can't stand the lack of knowledge of our leaders......

So, then I realised if I ever to be a politician(if i even get voted at all) people might just hate me and starts blogging or facebooking about me telling what a bitch I can be.....

Scary Night

Its the day where I actually felt weird, scared n freaked out talking bout sex.... Somehow, this is bad..... I nvr felt it such way before but last nite, my heart was beating fast..... like as if, wat i did was a mistake.... A huge mistake that even god would think twice to forgive me......

Till today it is bothering me alt and not sure what should i do bout it but wateva it is, i have to find solution to it soonest possible..................

A note to Mr. J....

Dear J,

Its been some time since we contacted each other.... Its been some time since I met you..... It also been some time to make me realise that I've been missing you from my life....

Dear J,

Do you think I will ever be able to contact you anymore? Do you think our friendship ends from our last conv.? Do you ever think of me?

Dear J,

Recently you have been on my mind.... Officially & Unofficially.... Not sure it should be there at the back of my mind or the front..... I'm not even sure if thinking of you n missing you ever a sin.... You were there once but now when I have happiness to share, I see you no more at the back for my support..... I wonder the mistake we did was ever a mistake only to the eyes of those who knows us or to the world which is far more sinner......

Dear J,

I MISS YOU & WILL BE MISSING YOU & WILL ALWAYS MISS YOU & HOPING TO SEE YOU AGAIN...........