Pleasing & Helping hands......

Many things in life you wish it works out the way you planned it but sometimes, faith just don't comply to your needs.... I've always been pleasing people around me just to keep them by my side but i started to realise that people don't care whether you please them or not cause they will never ever care for you when it comes to your needs.....

They don't care if im dead or gone.... they dont care if your suffering, not and unless your living the life of your dream( they are jealous actually).... all they know is that they got what they want and they can move on with their lifes..... just cause you helped someone before, dont expect them to do u a favour cause its one in a million to happen so..... like the world could crumble down if everyone you helped is actually helping you back.... it means the world is ending, in simplest way.... i noticed that and realised it..... and decided i should stop helping people around me.... at least for my own sake..... but its hard, very hard but i will try.....

Scandals, Past & More......

For the past months, many things has been happening.... all the scandals and shit stuff that's been taking my life and sleep has caused me to look like a drunken bitch but hey, what can you say to someone whom always wanting to care for everything that's happening around her..... I tried ignoring things but it didn't work out..... And my recent stress would be me leaving my scandals..... Something I know for sure I won't be able to do it that easily...... Deep down inside my tiny heart, I have this thing called care n feelings for them... So, leaving them is like a break-up for me..... Life is not like a ride on the highway.... where you hop onto the car, drop off at destination and move on..... Anyone who said that must be seriously joking..... There's more to life than just moving on with it..... Yes, we have to move on from whatever bad stuff that happened to us but that doesn't mean you forget what has happened to you..... you must always keep that in mind as you never know when your past will be useful has a lesson to be remembered....

@)!!

Figure that out if possible..... lol

well, i'm hoping 2011 does it better than the year before thou i see some good things happening..... hehehehehehe

Bosses will always be Bosses

So they claim they are not like every other bosses you know, you see, you've worked with but on actual fact, they are just plain boss... No matter how much work you do for them or what better things you bring for them, the slightest mistake by them will be them blamed back to you.....

And I really wonder why.... Is that how a boss should act or plainly the i'm-too-good-to-make-mistake attitude?

The Confused Me On A Raya......

So, its the time of the year again.... Raya, ain't really celebrating it for the past 7 years now... I don't go to my relatives house anymore, the only place i be is at my parent's place.... I never really got along with my relatives..They can be really annoying at times which really drives me up the wall, especially my 2nd auntie.... She's a plain psycho whom always trys to pin point at other's mistake but what's happening to her family right now is just far worse than the soap opera that plays everyday on tv... But to my surprise, I felt lonely this year.... Raya this year made me think alot about my past & my current lifestyle.... The guy that i rely on, is drifting apart.... The guy I love, ain't sure if its meant or not meant or his serious or not or he wants to go on or not or his family accepts me or not.... everything with him is in two world like Hannah Montana....

Then the whole lot of scandals i have, at the end of the day they all return back to their hometown with their family which definitely means, i'm left behind.... So, where do I stand actually?? Do I really want this.... And the bunch of scandals i have which ain't leading me, to nowhere, what am i actually do wif them??? When I'm upset, hurt, angry, freaked, i decide to leave them, change myself, be the new me but do i really do that??? NOPE!!! Instead, if at all one small sweet stuff takes place, i change the whole be back to the same old me.... I forget every other bad, fucked up stuff that happened and enjoy the happy of my life which would probably not last even a week....

What is wrong with me actually??? I don't want relatives, I don't want guy but i still want actually, i can't say no when i should be saying no, i can't say return back to me when i have the lawfully rights to say so..... What am I worried about??? Why am I really pleasing others?? What do I gain out of all this shit??? Why be cheap, stupid, desperate over everything in life??? Well, i really don't know... I want everyone that's in my life list but at the same time I get pist of and hurt by them.... I wish at times I never had feelings but if that's how i wanna be, i rather be a stone or wood than being a human..... So, i keep quiet and accept wateva that's happening as its happening out of my caution... i'm aware of the consequences, im aware of the pain that im about to go through.... so i ain't gonna blame anyone, not unless they made me be with someone or do something, then yeah, i've got all the rights to hate and curse it....

You know, all of you could only complain n whine about others and how flawless you are but has anyone of us ever, ever at all thanked for being who we are compared to those who's less more fortunate than us??? Well, that would definitely include me in.... Probably this is the most confusing entry on my blog or as a matter of fact, anybody's blog but what the heck??? Its my blog, its for me to say what i want to say of what i feel and think.... has nothing to do with you readers.... so, if u have anything to comment, keep it to urself.... or better still, look at urself at the mirror and let me know if ur better off than me!!!!

Death Confession....

As I was chatting with a friend of mine earlier today, we were talking about how corrupted our brains can be and how we wish it could be vanished of.....

Then, me being silly as always can be, I said 'Yeah, My brains are too corrupted that even if there is any guy who's with me will turn out to be corrupted and cannot be saved in any ways at all!!!' then i realised.... Dang, I just made a death confession of my own self and seeing in the Headlines of Tomorrow's newpapers n internets blogging or discussing bout this.... Wat am I? A celebrity? Damn not!!! But just for the sake of fun with enthusiasm... this is what you get out of all the shit you blabber out to your friends as some of them can really be nasty paparazzi than the paparazzi themselves...

Well, if one take themself as a celebrity of their own, who else would.... Aren't I, right?

Where my future lies.....

So, everyone has their future well planned with lots of ideas in it.... ME?? Nope, hope to be a Journalist or might venture into Photographing if given me a choice but for now, i prefer being a freelance writer.....

Last week, we had this small gathering among the siblings n in laws and this was the conversation took place between me and my brother-in-law:-

R: So, what is your future plan? Planning to die as a logistics person or something u like?

Me: I always wanted to do Journalism but yeah, thanks to ur in-law(my 2nd sister) who first de-motivated me from taking up law(reason given, toooooo many lawyers around) and then journalism(claiming its a tough job but which job is not tough)..... So, ended up in Logistics which never ever crossed my mind....

R: If u were a lawyer, the judge would hang himself for not able to stop u from talking(arguing)

*wakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakaka*

Me: But I prefer journalism as I get to travel and venture many new things.... Investigate, analyze and so forth....

R: Ok, be a freelance writer then.... what's stopping you??

Me: Yeah, that's what I want to be as well but still working on my writing skills and ideas...

R: Don't write about Politics or you might be the next Rafidah Aziz.... U don't wanna get smashed with rotten eggs & tomatoes, rite.....

Me: Wakakakkakakakakakaka.... Yeah, turn to be a controversial writer due to criticism on our Malaysian Politics & Racism..... Gosh, just can't stand the lack of knowledge of our leaders......

So, then I realised if I ever to be a politician(if i even get voted at all) people might just hate me and starts blogging or facebooking about me telling what a bitch I can be.....

Scary Night

Its the day where I actually felt weird, scared n freaked out talking bout sex.... Somehow, this is bad..... I nvr felt it such way before but last nite, my heart was beating fast..... like as if, wat i did was a mistake.... A huge mistake that even god would think twice to forgive me......

Till today it is bothering me alt and not sure what should i do bout it but wateva it is, i have to find solution to it soonest possible..................

A note to Mr. J....

Dear J,

Its been some time since we contacted each other.... Its been some time since I met you..... It also been some time to make me realise that I've been missing you from my life....

Dear J,

Do you think I will ever be able to contact you anymore? Do you think our friendship ends from our last conv.? Do you ever think of me?

Dear J,

Recently you have been on my mind.... Officially & Unofficially.... Not sure it should be there at the back of my mind or the front..... I'm not even sure if thinking of you n missing you ever a sin.... You were there once but now when I have happiness to share, I see you no more at the back for my support..... I wonder the mistake we did was ever a mistake only to the eyes of those who knows us or to the world which is far more sinner......

Dear J,

I MISS YOU & WILL BE MISSING YOU & WILL ALWAYS MISS YOU & HOPING TO SEE YOU AGAIN...........

New Year, New Life, New Beginning....

Its New Year & totally new life..... Hope, its the best year thou I've been facing shocks after shocks since the time 2010 started...... Like lost fren called back after 4 years, lost guy after a year meets up again and worse, a lost soul contacted back from the grave after a sudden ritual, i suppose....

Gosh, its pretty freaky as its just the beginning and I'm already facing things unexpectedly.... What's far ahead of me is pretty scary, like the new movie which is about to release soon, THE PARANORMAL ACTIVITY..... hahahahaha....

Guess, i just gotta wait and see what more shocking, freaky, heart attacking news awaits me!!!

2weeks

Its been 2 weeks now since I've not been in contact wif you but yet i can't make myself to contact you anymore.... Plus, i miss you like madly but it hurts to think back what i went thru and made myself go thru when i knew its the wrong path i chose and wish i nvr chose it...... In fact, its a path i could have ignored if i wanted to..... I cry every night thinking of you only to find out you don't do the same..... But its my feelings and its not yours, i cant expect the same from you...........

I wish i nvr knew you, i wish you nvr existed in my life and i really wish i could wake up the next morning and say "Who is that?" but sadly, i can't as those things only happens in movies..... Many signs were shown as a reason for me to leave but i used the smallest issues as a reason for me to stay on and the only reason was cause of HOPE...... I hoped on you, i trusted you even when my bestie did her best to make me leave you..... I suffered alot cause of you and you took everything like im worthless, seriously, am I not worthful to you? am I that bad that you had to ditch me halfway thru the the River of Niles? I think i was good enough for you but you.... you nvr appreciated that...... And I still wonder why.....

I wish i nvr did anything or was even out wif you as it hurts to see those places i went to wif you, those conversations we had..... I try to delete those memories from my mind, those that kept me happy, those that kept me smiling, those that showed me hope, those that hurt me as well......

Tell me............ What should I do to keep you wif me forever? Or at least to make you disappear from my life forever?

Facebook Detoxification.....

I'm claim myself as a facebook addict.... I can't live a day without facebook. Even if I'm at home during weekends(I don't have a comp.), I still surf the web(FACEBOOK I mean) thru my mobile(thanks to technology!!!)...... How pathetic is that??? Well I know there's many of you facing the same shit im going thru.... hehehehehe

So, I decided to detoxify from facebook by challenging myself not to visit facebook at all for 10 days... So far, I got thru 5 days...... Yeah, Me!!!! So, maybe those out there still suffering of Facebook Addiction, should probably detoxify yourself by self challenging....

Mayan Calendar-Disaster or New Life??

As you know, everyone's talking about the Mayan Calendar ever since the movie 2012 been released. What you can see, the picture beside its the actual Mayan Calendar by the MesoAmericans of the Pre-Columbian times.

Each picture on the Calendar has its own meaning. For example, The Face in the middle is called Tonatiuh's face which means, the face of the Sun. The Lord of Heaven. Thats not all, when i checked on the net, this is what I got for the defination of its whole face ' The Lord of Heaven, around which took place all daily or periodic Phenomena. The crown, nose pendant, earrings & necklace falls under luxy and the ornaments proper for the deity. Wherelse the hair represents the golden apprearance of the star. The wrinkles on the face is to show how matured is he and the tongue, like an obsidian knife stuck outward indicates the need of being fed blood and human hearts. According to the Mayan calendar, there are only 260 days in a year.

But what the question runs in all our minds is, whether or not the world ends in 2012 as per the movie said.... Is the disasters takes place as such before we all are long gone??

There are 5 elements, the fire, wind, water, metal & earth. World ends with disasters taken place by this elements but how far is this true,we ain't so sure.... But what we know is 'Precaution is better than Cure' So, be careful with whats happening around you. Everyday, there's a disaster happening around us. Mexico has volcano eruption(Fire), Indonesia's on fire(Fire), Philippines in hit of Thyphoon(Water & Wind), Australia suffering from climate change(Wind), China with Religion War Between the Xinjiang-Urumqi & China-Chinese(Water-related to blood & Earth).... What more could happen? Families are killing each other, animals & humans are dying of sickness.... Are all this the signs of world ending or maybe its the end for a New Beginning of a New Era like the Mayans said?

At right is the ancient Mayan Pyramid Chichen Itza, Yucatan, Mexico. The Pyramid of Kukulkan at Chichén Itzá, constructed circa 1050 was built during the late Mayan period, when Toltecs from Tula became politically powerful. The pyramid was used as a calendar: four stairways, each with 91 steps and a platform at the top, making a total of 365, equivalent to the number of days in a calendar year. Because the two calendars were based on 260 days and 365 days respectively, the whole cycle would repeat itself every 52 Haab' years exactly. This period was known as a Calendar Round. The end of the Calendar Round was a period of unrest and bad luck among the Mayans, as they waited in expectation to see if the gods would grant them another cycle of 52 years. Haab is the name for the Maya Calendric System.

Hope this awares everyone to look into what lies ahead of us to educate themself for self-improving & to be prepared.... But i know i'm not prepared yet!!! Hehehehehe

~So Life isn't Fair at All Times~

Ok, so life isn't that fair for each and everyone of us.... We complain, we whine, we scream n we cry but just wait a moment and think, does any one of this ever helping u or ruining ur health better....

Something that happened to me yesterday....
I was sooooooo furious over some issues that happened related to work and I kinda blast it off to a bestie of mine where i said things that I should have never said it or maybe it is something that I would never say.... Which did hurt her but being a nicest person, she truly understood my situation n took it like a big girl(errrr, ok tat didn't sound superb.....).

But then again, you can't use that as an excuse and get away with it... You have to apologize and make up to it... As, it is already too much for a person to listen to ur nonsense and just make it worse by saying things u shouldn't say to the one who's hearing you.... You have to stop being a jerk and amend those atttitudes which would make others hate you......

That's part of life... Mistakes... If we don't do it, we never learn it and change to be a better person....

Realised.......

I realised life,
I realised love,
I realised you,
When i fell in love.

I realised my death,
I realised my mistakes,
I realised how much i'm worth,
When you showed me love.

I realised my after years,
I realised my future,
I realised my status,
When you left me with only love.





P/S: It's for the man I love, whom I still love, whom I will always love, whom will forever I love... You know who you are, baby.......

Right or Wrong????

Life's a path where you make the choice how u want ur life to end.... U choose if you want the good or the bad... The sad ending or the happy ending.... Most of us picks happy ending thinking its good for us.... but then again, not all happy ending really ends happily.... Sometimes, some happy ending stops halfway thru and ends up in misery..... Life's not all about fairy tale that we read in the books when we were young, u know.... That's y they call it Fairy Tale... Its a Tale told in a fantasy world.....

I made some choices in my life which i did regret at times... I wish i could turn back the time and amend my mistakes but yeah! no such thing as time travel, rite... So, i just gotta bare wif it.... huhuhuhu....

N currently, i made another decision in my life.... It's something very personal.... It's something to do with my life..... It's for a man i currently love more than myself.... I decided to keep him happy as long as he is with me, as that is wat i promised him once.... I will only be the cause of his happiness n luckiness.... So being promise, i have to keep up to it and changed myself.... being the same old me, the bubbly, psycho n wacko me!!!

It is not easy as well as its not hard to do it but life must go on..... So, let urself be the cause of happiness instead of someone's tears......

~Love is all about pain that shows you the actual meaning of happiness in life, as life must go on, people you love deserves the rights to go on with their life and be happy as well!!!~

~Luscious Meal at The Garden of Heaven~

Beautiful ambience, lovely music and relaxing environment.... That's wat I have got to say for Garden, this cafe which is right next to or under the excalator for 1Utama LG floor.... The place was so beautiful with the man made's creation.... You would just fall in love by even looking at it.... The waiters were really friendly and mind u, i only say waiters... not even a single waitress there... hehehehe..... i felt like i was walking into this English Garden.....


This was one part of the place.... I felt like i was attending a garden wedding dinner..... There were alt of people and the time when i went there, there was this chinese family who were even celebrating their kid's burfday.....



This was the other side where it was taken from where i was sitting.... That's a man made tree which is like the big bonsai tree that looked very very real.... See, doesn't it look like an English Garden for real....



This is wat we had that nite..... I had Stuffed Chicken Fillet wif French Fries n mixed salad with a dash of balsamic sauce and what my fren had was black pepper chicken wif roasted cube potatoes and garnished wif steamed french beans.... We drank a pot of Hawaiian Mixed Fruit Cocktail Tea.....

The meals very quite big serving and it was tasty.. there were right amount sauce provided and the service was gud, the food came very fast..... Withing 10mins, we got all tat we ordered... The stuffed chicken was quite big and i had tough time finishing it off..... and even the black pepper chicken was big and the peppery taste was there, thick.....

The drinks was more on the sour side but since its the Hawaiian style, u can't complain much cause you don't really know how it taste... hehehe... But i liked the drink as there wasn't just fruits but some flowers were added.... When I asked the waiter, he said its more of a herbal, health drink than to consider it as just another tea.... Its a no sugar drink.....

I will surely recommend my frens to give it a shot and I will definately go there again to try out their other meals... They even have vast varities of local cuisine..... So, those who prefer local food than western or italian cuisine, u can check out this place....

Deciding for yourself......

I was thinking over this morning when i was chatting wif this best gf of mine... She is currently lost wif world of men... So, i was telling her... How much im stuck wif a man whom till now i'm not sure if he is the one or is just me who is dreaming n droooling ooooover him.... He treats me like his gf, cares as a best buddy n shows all his emotions as a hubby.... But what am I to him? I still don know.... Its a question that I yet to find for an answer.... Its pretty killing thou.... Its like a knife right at ur chest pokky pokky but just not gone deep inside yet....

We talk, sweet argue, denials, ignore each other's calls or smses...(wait, its him who does this always) but nvr once the 'L Word' was mentioned... The most was said, 'I miss u' and how he always addresses me as 'dear' in a sweet way..... I don mind but don leave me dangling like this.... Its really not fun at all and u can never find the word fun in it as well.....

And then, there was this one time i spoke to another girl fren of mine and guess wat, she gave me this really bad bad advised i told myself 'i'm sorry but i'm never hearing another advise from u'... She told me to get him spend all the cash he has on me.... I, as a girl should not be spending anything on him... I was like "WTF!!!" this guy is not even sure if he's wif me... If i were to do that, im gonna lose him totally.... and she will be so dead at tat f*****g time.....

Well, i definately going wif wat my heart has to say about.... Damn!!! This is so frustrating giler!!!

~Gargoyle~

GARGOYLE!!! Sounds eerie yeah... Well, its this book I've been reading and I find the story very interesting as inside the main story, there are other small stories which is with moral issues and examples on different kinds of love.... As fren, as lover, as parent, as enemy.. (ok as enemy just din sound fancy.. cheh!) So, this is like the really old old version of Beauty & The Beast but its just that it has a better story line..... I should say that Andrew Davinson has done a great job wif this high level of imagination....

By reading the book, u will know he has done his homework to make this book a success and to call itself International Bestseller...

The story revolves around 12th century about this ex-nun Marianne Angel.... Who came back, can't really consider reborn but bf from the 12th century was reborn on the 20th century who was a porn star... He met with an accident and got himself all burnt and was in a hospital where Marianne was admitted over some mental issues.... Its a beautiful love, magic, imaginary, heart breaking story.... I cried over some of the pages and laughed over most of the pages as well.... Well for the ending, i think its better u read it urself rather than i give the review here.... I just don't wish to spoil the whole fun thing.... So for all those who enter here, there is no need to abandon hope. Lessons are learned, love is found, spirits are restored and faith is revealed.

A lil bit about the Author, Andrew Davidson.....

Andrew Davidson was born in Pinawa, Manitoba (Canada) on April 12 1969(Mind u, same date and month as me.... I so adore this guy rite now!!! Damn!!!) and graduated in 1995 from the University of British Columbia with a B.A. in English literature. He has worked as a teacher in Japan, where he has lived on and off, and as a writer of English lessons for Japanese Web sites. The Gargoyle, the product of seven years' worth of research and composition, is his first book. Davidson lives in Winnipeg, Manitoba.

*Currently my level of sexcitement is just so unbareble..... I'm desperately needed help!!! Muahahahaha*

I Hate Jealousy!!!!

Don't really know how to start it but its all about the Big 'J' which stands for Jealous/Jealousy.... I hate it when I get that feeling.... Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love... Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgusted... Jealousy differs from envy in that jealousy is about something one has and is afraid of losing, while envy refers to something one does not have and either wants to acquire or to prevent another from acquiring....

What happens is that when u get jealous, it misleads u to many stupid things like starvation, hurting urself and so forth.... I hate that.... I being very honest in my blog here, i do get jealous quite often but what i personally feel is that, its good to get jealous, as a way to express your love for someone.... Its a bad way of showing how u feel about the person thou.... In fact, you can even see it in most of the movies shown in cinemas..... Jealousy is everywhere, its just how you control it and what you do about it.....